Fables of a Lost Mind

If you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd understand why I can't think straight when I look at you. You'd think it's completely normal how much I long to touch you and how impossible it is to try not to think of you. I truly would love for you to see yourself through my eyes and feel the way I do when I hear your laughter. If you could see yourself the way I see you, you'd understand how you are more than just enough. You'd see that you're such a wonderful person and that all the wonderful things I say about you don't even do you justice.... There will never be enough words to write into detail to tell you, just how dear and special you are to my eyes.

Despierto cada día diciéndome a mi misma que no puedo caer por ti. Que no debo enamorarme. Que esto es solo pasajero y nos estamos divirtiendo. Que tú ya estás amarrado a alguien más. Pero la realidad es que me siento tan intoxicada, estás en todo mi cuerpo, por dentro y por fuera. Te metiste entre mis venas de una manera tan exquisita... Me pregunto si ya lo estabas y solo hacia falta que volviese a la realidad. Me parte el alma que seas ajeno, porque si no lo fueras ya te hubiera tomado en cuerpo y alma enteros y te hubiese hecho cachitos para ponerte dentro de mi corazón. Quién sabe a lo mejor y en otra vida, en otra realidad espero no muy lejana nos volvamos a encontrar y esta vez podamos quedarnos juntos. Me haces sentir como si estuviese drogada, me haces sentir también paz infinita. Tus abrazos me curan el alma y tus besos me encienden en llamas. El modo en que tocas mi cuerpo como si tuvieras miedo de romperlo y la ansiedad que me da de que me tomes con fuerza. Se que no eres m

How I wish you would've handled things differently. That you weren't avoiding them and me along with everything else. You could've handled them differently too, you just chose not to. You left me here hanging, like I'm a piece of furniture that you no longer have any use for. You said your piece but when it came to me expressing how your words and actions were making me feel, I couldn't get out a full sentence without you saying that you couldn't have a conversation with me, without me turning it all around when all I simply wanted to do was to express my own pain, my heartache. You had an issue with me bringing up the past but never bothered to make any changes to your responses. Although it's taken me a while I finally understood that you never said sorry for cheating, you were only sorry that you got caught and honestly that made it worse. Over and over you'd hurt me and I basically let you walk all over me with your secrets and lies. You got to leave

I won't lie, it feels like I'm lost somewhere inside my own mind. There's moments where I feel like absolutely nothing can hurt me at all and others like today where I wanted to cry and scream at the top of my lungs. I've been on autopilot ever since I arrived, I want to be there for her so much that I've managed to block away every other feeling but the truth is that I'm torn to shreds on the inside and the worst part is that I've started to realize that you truly don't care. I keep thinking about where and when did it all go wrong. Did I do something to make you stop loving me and what kills me is that I probably will never know. It seemed like only moments ago we were talking about all these things we wanted to do, when you were holding me and I felt safe. Where it didn't feel like you had managed to break every single nerve and cell inside my body. I don't know how to act around you anymore, I don't know what we are, if we're even any

I wish I could tell you exactly how I feel but the truth is I have no idea. I feel lost, heartbroken, I feel like I'm going insane. I'm trying to keep it together but broken bits are getting away leaving jagged cuts as they go. It feels like I'm bleeding out slowly all at once and there's nothing to stop it from happening. I thought I was strong enough if this happened but the truth is I'm having my doubts. My face is raw from all the tears and my expression looks vacant. It feels like the whole world stopped and is staring at me as if saying "well look at you now" it hurts I wont lie. It hurts both physically and mentally as well as emotionally because I feel like whatever I say will be taken the wrong way and it feels like i can't afford that right now. I won't lie to you, the thought of moving back to where I came from to start a new beginning feels tempting, thrilling even. But I really thought I was gonna get to live out my days with you. And

I came back from Texas around three weeks ago. The thought of coming back wasn't super thrilling it felt like time flew by in the blink of an eye. I miss my sister, dad and surprisingly my mom. I miss the food and not having to worry about work... I can't help but feel like seasonal depression is very real, I haven't felt myself in weeks although to be fully honest I haven't felt myself in quite a while. I feel like as much as I try I can't enjoy anything anymore. Like I've lost interest in absolutely everything and it's killing me. I want to enjoy the things I used to and the new things I've discovered, I don't want to feel like an absolute failure every time one of my plants dies (which by the way another one of them died not long after I came back) she was already looking quite sad before we left for Missouri. The whole trip was amazing aside from a few mishaps and the weather was ideal I can't wait to go back again... Although next time we wa